Start Not validating feelings

Not validating feelings

And what about the issue of being a man enough to confess you are an aspie, on the first or second date? This is a psych condition that badly hurts women like me, after all. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events.

We were not talking the same language and misunderstandings were the rule. What is even more horrifying and disabling for us is the requirement on our part to patiently endure being corrected, directed, criticized and often rudely spoken to regularly by our AS partners, sometimes constantly, as they work on forming us into more complete and tolerable partners for themselves, while we weather the torpedo blasts of rage and reaction they direct towards us if we suggest an imperfection in them. I think not.” ♦ itting in the kitchen in the evening, Harry was verbally cruel. Life will be far more rewarding.” ♦ dated someone who had Asperger’s syndrome and it led to me having a breakdown and suffering from severe depression.

I learnt the hard way what Asperger Syndrome was.” ♦ e struggle every day with this apparent arrogance they portray and our own sense of powerlessness to influence them to consider our perspective, comment or suggestion as valid or acceptable, and so we become silent. At that time I knew all about the Asperger’s arrogance and uncontrollable urge to belittle anyone who didn’t have his special knowledge and didn’t share his opinions. Enduring repetitive verbal abuse and witnessing adult tantrums has become a routine event. He denies to this day that he has done anything wrong…

It was exposed to me almost every day and I had trained myself not to pay attention because it was too stressful for me. He did not respond to my requests to stop, but increased the cruel verbal abuses. I called our friend; the only person who knew the truth. He never expressed any remorse.” ♦ have lived with an AS spouse for 14 years. AS individuals learn coping behaviors that allow them to ‘act’ their way through social situations and personal intimacy, but that they don’t actually invest any feelings or emotions in them. He is a high-achieving professional but lacked the capacity to understanding that his actions and words were deeply damaging.

I was stunned how he spoke with such control and so friendly on the phone as if nothing had happened. If someone told me they had Asperger’s now, I would run in the opposite direction.” ♦ e barely notices I am gone, is healthy and still calls me his wife, even though I am no longer. I, however, have lost all my friends and social support, have chronic illness and a nervous disorder and may well lose my house because of the financial ineptness of the person who was supposed to be my partner in a relationship.

My toddler hears me cough and says ‘You okay, Mommy? ’ But my aspie spouse may not even think to ask ‘How are you feeling? But when I am sick or weak and am not offered any help or emotional support I tend to be filled with grief, anger and self-pity at how lonely and uncared for I feel.” ♦ have been here for 27 years. Learn to speak ‘aspie’ aka: No insight, no foresight, no thought, no consideration, no love, no respect. I would have to sort of slither up the hall on my side to make it to the bathroom. One evening, he came home with food and ate in front of me. It has played out over and over again in different contexts over the years.” ♦ y husband has Asperger’s, as did his father and uncle. The groups I’ve tried to join basically say the same thing: Be positive,accept him, it’s not his fault. I’m sorry that he has this, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to severely abuse their partner because of it. ” ♦ am married to a man who has diagnosed Aspergers and is extremely difficult to live with…

I’m also disabled so I’m dependent upon my as partner. Others outside the relationship not only disbelieve me but see my partner being an angel of mercy for caring for me. He didn’t ask how I was, talk to me, or even engage. He looked at me with wide-eyed innocence and asked, ‘What’s wrong with you? He just didn’t get it or understand why that had anything to do with him or why he had any responsibility there. I’m not a good wife for not ‘enduring.’ I understand that. It’s been 15 years and I am EXHAUSTED.” ♦ he aspie may not be able to help that he only sees things from his own perspective, due to his brain wiring. The most difficult thing I’ve had to endure is married life with someone who only worries only about himself and doesn’t even really know me or his children.

He calls to ask me to do his laundry and never once said he missed me. The deprivation of basic human needs was NEVER on the table for the AS person, as the NT does the bulk of the basics in the home and oft times at work as well, and almost certainly with the children.